06/10/2009

So glad you made it : )

06/10/2009

Nostalgia Romance

It’s to hard imagine what dating was like
before the Internet. Since You’ve Got Mail, I’ve pretty much assumed
that was the only place in New York one finally found true love.
Countless candidates are dismissed immediately and the ones that meet
your criteria for appearance and pique your interest, often languish
after only a few dates. The entire process seems so clinical, more like
looking for a job than a boyfriend, and with the way the job market is
nowadays I don’t think any of us want to be reminded of that
undertaking. It may not be an original sentiment, but my recent foray
into the 60’s world of Revolutionary Road and Mad Men have definitely
got me wondering: Whatever happened to romance?

I don’t
necessarily mean romance in the vein of flowers and chocolate, horse
drawn carriage rides, or long walks on the beach, but the more
chivalrous times of tipped hats, honest smiles, held doors, and polite
inquiry. We’re so eager to consume every new club, technology,
restaurant, YouTube clip, blog, and everything else that comes across
our News Feed we don’t take time to really familiarize ourselves with
anything anymore. A potential can be dismissed by age, profession, or
height in a matter of seconds, so why should we bother delving deeper?

I
suppose what I find discouraging about the acceleration of our love
lives is that unlike dispensing with a new viral video by closing out
the window, much more emotional disappointment goes along with
dispensing a potential mate, though we may have put little more thought
or effort into bringing them into our lives. Nevertheless, in New York
we know there are always more options, another bachelor to review, or
another party to cast our net at. We seldom want for entertainment,
merely yearn for longer lasting satisfaction.

Gone are the days
when it was cool to light up a cigarette in bed after a particularly
amazing orgasm. Now it would be considered uncouth, insulting, and
unhygienic to do so. Isn’t there something so glamorous about the
careless abandon previous generations had for the health and their
appetite for pleasure? It may seem wholesome, because they met their
dates after exchanging glances at the malt shop, and waited until
several dates had passed before they even considered climbing into the
backseat of a car. But our dating isn’t sexier or more efficient
because it’s faster; it’s less exciting because it’s routine.

We
rely on mass transit to get around and tend to date people from all
over the city, but why does that preclude the courtesy of being picked
up from one’s home? How can the allure of being invited upstairs be
properly stoked if we aren’t teased with the possibility? Instead we
choose neutral locations in popular neighborhoods so neither party is
inconvenienced and we’re left to dart our eyes wildly around the room
until our date arrives. Then it is obvious to everyone that you had met
online and are now going to probably rehash what you already know about
each other.

At the end of the date a gentle kiss, or even touch
of the hand was once enough to sustain one’s interest until subsequent
dates. The promise of more made the excitement more palpable. Now, if
you don’t have sex within the first couple weeks you’re likely to never
hear from the person again and if you do you’ve maybe got a 50/50 shot
things will continue. Again, I know this may not be original, but the
commodification of sex has reduced us to nothing but round-the-clock
consumers, ultimately dissatisfied shoppers looking for the best bang
for our buck. Figuratively speaking of course.

I know that the
Internet opened up a wealth of opportunity for me in all aspects of my
life, especially to meet guys as a teenager when bars and other venues
were not available. But sometimes I wish that in this particular area
of our lives we could slow it down a bit. Get to know someone before
deciding they aren’t right for you, or at least as long as the sparks
flicker. No harm no foul if it doesn’t work out, but it’s better than
constantly second-guessing why so many first dates have remained only
that. If that book and show have taught me anything it’s that you can
learn a lot about yourself from the one you love, and you owe it to
yourself to take time finding the one that’s right. The definition of
romantic may be unrealistic, but then again what ideal isn’t?